I like Sundays.
There’s always people around, going about their business.
Everyone’s alive.
The crowd does make me a little nervous, but overall, I like Sundays…

But most importantly,

What better way to acknowledge my/your existence, than to hear someone call my/your name out loud.

However, it only comes second, to being held by the one you love, knowing that you are loved in return.

What’s it like being diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety? You want to know? I can tell you if you want to know.

People treat my differently, like i’m more fragile and easily hurt. You think that’s good? I don’t think so. Being in my shoes, all I feel from people like that is more guilt and more responsibility. Why do I have to be like this and make everyone so worried/cautious/scared of me? Am I being a burden to all these people? Yeah, great, special attention, so what… I end up hating myself even more knowing I am the way I am.

Come to think of it, I always did want attention, I always seeked attention, sometimes making a fool of myself so that people notice me. Like the village idiot when I think of it now, all those stupid things I did for momentary attention. You want to know the ironic thing about all this? I fear attention. Having people looking at me, commenting, talking, laughing, smiling, snickering, pointing… it gets on my nerves. But there is one attention that is unlike any other, one that I have felt only once in my entire life, one that I keep reminiscing of when I fear I have no one. It wasn’t something that lasted, neither was it something that was very important to me, but for those moments, I felt like the weight of world was lifted off my shoulders. Those who know me should know what I’m talking about and when it happened. Perhaps I am desperate, subconciously looking for that kind of attention again.

Okay, I just had a really bad game of DotA. Real bad. And I’m now boiling… Why you ask? I don’t know, things that happened, things people said, things I read, things I did. I have such a huge problem controlling my emotions… anger, frustration, sometimes even my joy. It hurts people, I’m not joking. I tend to hurt people when I get one of these massive mood swings. How do I fix it? I don’t know, I let it out every month at my psychiatrist. Or do I?

Now you’d think I sound like a dangerous person. I’m not surprised, because I myself think I am a danger to those around me and myself. Ask “pfft” over here, I’m sure she has experienced some of my bad days. Ask anyone I know for that matter, they’d answer the very same thing. I’m like a walking time bomb, or a kettle at boiling point. One little thing could set me off. I’m not even joking when I say that death has crossed my mind, more than once, as I lived on the 15th floor of my apartment building back in Melbourne. Now do you think I’m dangerous?

So yeah, that’s what it’s like, the surface of it anyway. My mind has more to it than I’m letting out. Peace out. And save your pity for someone else, I’ve had my fair share of pity the past years of my life ever since I gained conciousness.

And yes, I’m in a bad mood. Didn’t I already mention that?

welcome to my world
other than being known as pfft or pest
i am also known with another famous p starting letter phrase type - “pain in the a.s.s”

i’m starting to feel more useless than yesterday
my motto is right

“tomorrow is always shittier than today. and it gets worst every day”

geez
can’t you give somebody who’s trying to live a bit a bit of a break?

and the irony of life.

i should be in big trouble soon.
(like big trouble…depends on how you look at it especially with my kinda rotten luck)

so

see u around.
(more…)

saturdays are never pleasant for me.
sundays are worst because it means i had to go through saturdays and recover on sunday only to be shocked almost to death by monday.
i hate fridays because its the day before saturday.

why i hate saturdays

actually i can’t post it here
stupid journal doesn’t allow swearing.
what s.h.i.t page is this.
has a filter but i can’t find it and disable it.
dam ma chau hai beturl

who would you trust?

some guy in a suit
or
the ex gabenor of new zealand who helped pull us out of a slump?

sorry
i’m going with the gabenor
if the gabenor can see it
i don’t see why i shouldn’t trust him

radical change
yes
but lesser of 2 evils
and change is what we need
to see
which was a better government or leader.

can’t stand the stupid socialist ppl
really paving the bricks to hell.
slowly and surely.

but then again
this country is full of morons

can’t use their brains to even see the obvious .
its all procreation and i dun farking know what.
land of emotions i guess..

that is the title of one of the distinct songs when HJE and LYJ
which you can get it here.
thanks to this guy - faces of the moonif not i won’t even know where to dl the song
if you can play piano, check out the guitar chords side.
and if you can play the guitar XD time to start strumming XD